User:Sam/Introduction

From Simpedia

The important parts of the message have been highlighted in bold. The rest can be safely ignored without detracting from the overall meaning.

"Circumstances have revealed, as they have an unfortunate habit of doing, that this is my userpage, and, more importantly, that I am expected to write some form of monologue or eulogy herein; this being a custom, I am told, which has developed among Wiki users since the founding of Wikipedia in 2001; and I being, as is proclaimed by the embarrassingly large title at the top of this section, which should properly be called a Userpage (properly being the operative word, and I not wishing; or at least condescending; to be proper, being in charge of this site, and therefore not being required to follow the policies and rules of this Wiki in so far as I consider them excessively unprofitable), a user - user here having the meaning of a registered contributor to the site; or at least registered, since one can be registered without contributing; or indeed contribute without being registered - of such a Wiki, and therefore being subject to the customs, traditions, and other such impracticalites, of said Wikis (in so far as I am not able to pass them off as excessively impractical); and as when something has been revealed by circumstances it is very difficult to avoid without removing said circumstances entirely; and as removing said circumstances might, I fear, be too arduous a task to contemplate; therefore I will proceed to do so in the space below, if one can be justified in calling it a space, it being a collection of binary data residing on a hard drive somewhere in the Netherlands; and not being a space regardless of the aforementioned flaw in its criteria, since it only comes into existence when something is placed in it (if indeed it is possible to type something into a space which does not exist - one can but assume it must be since I am performing said dubious action even as I write; this being the space in question, and I being in the process of typing something into it) and therefore it, or at least the parts of it which have not yet been typed in (which, I might add, are growing smaller every second; if it is possible for something which does not exist to grow smaller), being not currently in existence."

In plain English, the bold text means:
"This is my userpage and I am going to write something about me on it."

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